Chaos' best friend is Kyuubi
by ToxicManipulator
Summary: Naruto is a being with nigh infinite power! He is the Kyuubi-no-Kitsune! He is.. Godlike! He is.. sealed in a blonde haired brat? What? "I should've never listened to shinigami. 'Take a vacation' he says, 'go to a new dimension! great fun' he says, Bah!"
1. Chapter 1

Chaos' best friend is Kyuubi

Chapter 1

By ToxicManipulator

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Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Clack.

Repeat..

Gods above and in the underworld.. what did he ever do to deserve this cruel and unusual torture?! It had been the same, day in and day out since that day he was sealed away all those years ago. The shadowed figure glared hatefully at the object of his ire. It was a small toy model of that accursed blonde meat bag that had sealed him in here. The little bastard toy smirked at him from behind the golden bars, as if sensing his ire, and turned around in a one-hundred and eighty degree direction, then continued to march endlessly.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Clack.

Repeat.

He growled. When would it end? As if the fact that the animated object dragging a motionless plush nine tailed fox behind it wasn't insulting enough. Stupid blonde human filth! How dare he insult the great Kyuubi-no-kitsune, slayer-of-billions, pleasurer-of-sexy-vixens, and many other hyphenated titles?!

He realised, of course that this was probably that jerk shinigami(who was probably in cahoots with Kami-chan)'s fault in the first place. Before, he had his own little island paradise dimension, with many sexy vixens in scantily clad clothing waiting on him, hand and knee.. waiting to fulfil his every wish and desire... WHY did he leave that behind?!

Oh right.. he grew bored of that at some point, crazy as that sounds, and listened to the shinigami(the smug bastard)'s suggestion. He was supposed to be seeing new sights, viewing the great many sights of the multiverse, and yet... here he was, stuck, imprisoned behind the bars of that damned seal within a female identity of himself. Damn shinigami! The bastard's sealing abilities always were better than his own. Then again, the old and ancient god had countless many millennia in age over the kitsune god.

Perhaps this was the price for being the only Uzumaki Naruto/Nanako, depending on gender, to kill the original nine tailed fox(using his OWN power, he thought proudly) and taking its power for his own. He should have realised something was going on when Kami-chan got a binding favor out of him. He should have realised how badly he was conned when she put him in a stasis in the human world(Weakening him severely). He only realised the error of owing binding favors to ancient gods and goddesses when that flesh bag Uchiha Madara used his sharingan on his weakened form to control him like he would a pet.

Only now, after being sealed for over twelve years did he have his full powers back. Now if only he could get out of this dump(incinerating that Yondaime toy on the way) and hunt down that punk Uchiha.

He could always ram every square inch of his limitless godlike power right into the seal and hope it might wear out, but that didn't come without its risks. His power was infinite. An absolute unstoppable force. The seal however, was an absolute immovable force. Bad things happen when two powers like that collide, the whole 'for every action, there's a reaction' thing. He sighed. If only it were even remotely possible to breach the seal. Though he didn't want to risk screwing with time and space more than he should, after all, that realm of power belonged solely to that selfrighteous greek prick, Chronos.

Boredom was fairly common when stuck behind an impenetrable seal. So he passed his time viewing the memories of his container on a whim, or viewing the world through the seal. The blonde long haired kit was currently fighting some pale looking paedophile. Ew.. His tongue was almost as long as Shinigami's.

The great kitsune god would forever rue the day he asked the death god why he had such a hideously long tongue. He shivered. The bastard had burnt the memories into his mind on purpose, never to be forgotten! Suffer eternity of torture for your sins by the shinigami, indeed! The kitsune had no doubts that the pale snake-freak would enjoy the shinigami's 'torture'.

He blinked in surprise as five odd seals appeared on his cage. He inspected the seal and rose an eyebrow when he found that he had been completely separated from the kit. Earth.. Fire.. Wind.. Lightning, and.. water? How curious. A feeble attempt to seperate the two beings at best, but still, he could work with this. Silly little flesh bag, did he not realise that NOTHING could stop the power of the great Kyuubi-no-kitsune?! (Privately, he ignored the fact that the blonde flesh bag had sealed him in here using a powerful seal of his own creation with the Shinigami's help)

As he studied the seal he noted gleefully that the new seal, that was supposed to 'seal' his power was actually slowly corroding that blonde pig's seal. Oh happy day! His freedom might be granted sooner than he thought! Now if only there was some kind of way to speed up the corrosion? Hmm... The original seal had two power sources, he remembered. One being the kit's own chakra, and the second being the kit's strength of will.

He cackled evilly. This was much too easy. Slowly and expertly he started injecting minute amounts of hopelessness into the kit's psyche. Too much and too quickly at a time and the seal would suspect something, then the little guard toy would bring a chakra construct of that blonde flesh bag here to fix the seal... Easy does it.. Easy~... As he worked, he Idly thanked his lucky stars that he was sealed into a container that wore her heart on her sleeves, and not one of those apathetic Uchiha scum or those indifferent Abarume creeps. Her rampant emotions, which ironically were her greatest strength, would be her downfall. He actually felt sorry for her.

Snort. Yeah, and pigs fly.

The kitsune smirked evilly as he noted that the blonde rat's little toy was slowly falling apart, much like the seal. He almost let out a giggle of victory with his success so close. Just a bit longer.. Damn! Busted! The toy was glaring at him now, and resisting his efforts to corrode the seal. Good thing that pale freak's seal had cut off the seal from the kit's chakra. Otherwise that toy might have gotten enough chakra to summon the blonde flesh bag here. Luckily, it had lost too much chakra with the erosion, and the efforts it was making to block the corruption. It would be a while before he could corrupt the seal further thanks to their stalemate. He decided to wait and see what would happen. He kept on trying to influence the seal, while the evil blonde toy glared at him and pressed back.

Several minutes later, the toy's eyes widened in horror for some reason. The kitsune grinned when he realised what had happened. The evil toy was falling apart now, without the life force of the kit to sustain it. Looks like the kit had died.. or was pretty close to it anyway. He smirked victoriously and ripped apart the remainder of the seal, finally free, and giving a loving embrace to his new freedom.

------------

_10 Minutes earlier_

_'Well, this blows.'_ were the thoughts of a blonde haired whiskered girl. Her sensei had entered her team into a test, called the 'Chuunin Exams', hoping that they would do well, and advance. Personally, she thought that the event was merely a dick measuring competition for the jounin sensei's. Of course, that view changed when the Sandaime Hokage, or the 'Old geezer' as she had affectionately dubbed him, had explained that it was merely a substitute for war.

The first section of the exam had made her a nervous wreck. Written tests were her greatest fear. The first section just happened to be a written test. Joy.

But, with her great determination, fueled by her love for ramen and the color orange she had persevered and managed to get through the first part with her team.

The second section of the exam was certainly more exciting, if you excluded the giant demonic-like creatures they had to face amongst the other teams. It had quickly gotten rough however, when a creepy girl, or guy, she still wasn't sure, had summoned snakes and beaten the living hell out of her and her team.

She had introduced herself as Orochimaru after having soundly beaten her teammate Sasuke. He had then gone into monologue about how useless and weak the leaf village was, while slapping Sasuke around a bit more just for the hell of it. Sasuke, being the 'genius' that he was surrendered their scroll to the creepy snake girl. In hindsight, maybe it was a bad idea to kick the snake guy in the face and grab the scroll from Sasuke.

The orange clad girl had fought the pale snake girl tooth and nail sending armies upon armies of mass shadow clones only for them to be brutally slaughtered as quickly as they were made. The creep then slammed the whiskered blonde into a tree using his long-ass tongue, finally knocking her out by poking her extremely hardly in the stomach.

She woke up later, seeing Sasuke slapping around some sound genin, with weird tattoo's coming out of the hickey the snake guy had given him on his neck. After some grovelling and pleading by the sound genin, they had gotten their hands on a scroll(at long last!) and headed to the tower to finish up.

The team was annoyed though, when they discovered that they still had to fight a preliminary match before being able to continue to the third part of the exam. So here they were, staring nervously at the board, wanting to find out who they would fight.

The whiskered girl cursed softly when she realised that she was up first.

"Can Akadou Yoroi and Uzumaki Nanako please come down for the first match?"

The blonde girl huffed, glaring at the sickly looking referee. Couldn't they have at least given her a break to recover some chakra?

When she got to the arena, she settled into a brawler-like stance facing her opponent. Her opponent smirked. "What the hell is that supposed to be? The idiot fist?"

Her left eye twitched in anger. "Shut the hell up! I'll kick your ass, bastard!"

The sickly referee, Hayate, coughed once to get their attention and lifted his arm into the air, lowering it to begin the match. "Ready? Begin!"

Nanako charged in headfirst with her right arm reeled back, ready to punch. Yoroi easily countered the weak punch, and gave the brash girl a kick to the face, sending her flying to the floor. The whiskered girl stood up with a growl and put her hands into a cross shaped heal seal, creating a dozen clones of herself. "Kage Bunshin-no-Jutsu!"

"Think you can take all of us?!" the lead clone yelled. "Get 'm!" With a warcry all the clones attacked at once. "Rawr!"

Yoroi dodged the small mass of orange almost lazily, dispelling any clones that came too close. He quirked an eyebrow when the loud girl gave another battle cry and sent another force of clones after him. He shrugged. If all the clones were this weak, he might as well take his time with this match and let the silly girl wear herself down to exhaustion.

Any other time it would have been very difficult to outlast Uzumaki Nanako in a fight of chakra, but now, with her severely depleted reserves and being cut off from the Kyuubi sealed within her, and her huge lack of control, losing seemed like a very good possibility.

Nanako stood hunched and panting. She glared weakly at the unphased form of Akadou Yoroi. "D-damnit.. S-stop moving, ya bastard!"

The tall male shrugged and closed the distance between him and the girl and latched onto her arms, mentally activating his bloodline.

The whiskered girl's eyes widened in horror when she started feeling weaker and weaker the longer Yoroi held on. "W-what the hell.. is this?!"

The taller male smirked from behind his mask. "This is my bloodline, little girl. It lets me absorb the chakra of my opponents, rendering them weak. And quite frankly, you're on your last legs. Give up and I wont kill you."

Nanako glared weakly at the black clad genin. "B-bastard!"

The orange clad girl dug deep inside herself looking for the strength to beat her opponent. She grit her teeth. "I w-wont lose, d-damnit!"

Unknown to her, her eyes had changed into a feral red with slit pupils. The whisker marks on her cheeks had darkened and her nails had lengthened and sharpened by an inch. Like a dam that had burst, red chakra rolled off of her in waves, filling the air with bloodlust. Yoroi had let go of her by now and jumped away, warily eyeing this new development.

When Nanako settled on the ground on all fours, warning bells started going off in the heads of all the jounin and chunin present. The sandaime made a motion and Kakashi was at his side in an instant. "Hokage-sama?" The silver haired man asked urgently.

The Sandaime let out a resigned sigh and nodded. "You know what to do Kakashi. If it looks like 'It' is escaping, finish it." The silver haired man nodded solemnly and took out a katana from a sealed scroll, getting ready to interfere.

The power rolling off of the blonde haired girl doubled, easily topping Kage-level chakra reserves. She eyed her prey and let out a demonic like growl. **"Die..."**

With an animalistic roar, she leapt at the black clad boy intending to rip him apart.

SHLICK

She froze in shock, a pained look on her face, and looked down at the bloodied blade sticking out of her chest through her heart.

"I'm sorry, Nanako.." She looked behind her and saw a grim looking Kakashi with a katana run through her. Her eyes filled with tears of betrayal. "T-traitor..."

She coughed up a large glob of blood and fell to the floor with a glazed look in her eyes, her life leaving her.

Kakashi let out a mournful sigh and whispered. "Forgive me, Minato-sensei."

The entire room was so silent that you could hear a needle drop from outside. The Sandaime hokage let out a sigh of his own and stood up. "Let us have a moment of silence for Uzumaki Nanako, for protecting all of Konoha by having stopped a great force of destruction from bringing about our end, by constantly fighting it for the last twelve years."

Everyone bowed their heads solemnly in respect for the recently dead orange clad girl, some not quite sure what she had protected them from. All the girls in the room let silent tears fall, silencing their hiccups, while some of the younger boys shed several tears. They had known the young prankster, and had considered her a friend from days spent in the shinobi academy.

One red headed genin however, had an odd look on his face, staring intently at the dead body of the blonde haired girl. His eyes narrowed in thought. "Something doesn't feel right."

His soft murmur, or more accurately, the tiny fleck of fear in his voice, froze his teammates in fear. What could cause their psychotic brother to possibly feel fear? They eyed the dead body nervously.

Several minutes of silence passed agonizingly slowly. The red headed genin's brother, Kankuro let out a sigh of relief. False alarm.

That's when everyone felt it. A huge force of chakra weighed them all down, easily toppling what the dead orange clad girl had generated. This chakra, demonic and feral in its taint filled the entire room and forest of death in a bathing feeling of terrible blood lust. The Sandaime's eyes, along with all the jounin that had been there when the Kyuubi had been sealed away's eyes widened in fear and horror. This feeling was many times more intense than that night!

On the floor, near Nanako's body a vivid orb of dark foreboding crimson energy was busy gathering. The darker the orb became, the more unbearable the feeling of bloodlust and terror filled the air. Then with a flash of orange light, causing everyone's eyes to close reflexively, the aura of death, terror and bloodlust was gone.

When they reopened their eyes there were varied reactions of awe and fear as they saw a tall imposing figure crouching near Nanako's body. The hunched humanoid figure was clothed in dark blue robes, with orange lining and an orange sash around his waist. Clothed in dark blue pants, he also wore wooden geta sandals with orange socks, giving him an extra nine inches in height. A blue silk cloth was loosely wrapped around his neck and shoulders, with a blue bandana around his forehead, made out of the same material as the scarf, keeping his long blonde hair out of his eyes. His hair spiked at the top in all directions, and straightened to silken locks the longer it hung. It hung to his lower back, bundled up with an orange colored silk bow tie into a loose pony tail.

He stood up from his crouched position on the floor and stood tall with a height of 5'7'', revealing a fish net shirt underneath his robes, and the five inch long claws coming out of each of his fingers. His eyes opened revealing a sharp cerulean and slit pupils with dark crimson coloring the edges of his eyelids. Whiskered marks on his cheeks added to his feral appearance.

What caught the Hokage and the jounins' attention the most, however, was the long blonde furred fox-like ears where human ears would be, and the nine flowing blonde furred tails sprouting from his tailbone.

The imposing figure's nine tails fanned out behind him in a fan like form. He stretched his back and arms causing unnerving cracks, scaring those observing him with each new snap. He tilted his head in several directions, causing more snaps and cracks, and scaring the living hell out of everyone and took three steps forward. Or to be more accurate, he stalked gracefully, as if tracking a prey.

He made several smacking like sounds with his lips, and stared hungrily at everyone, then smirked darkly, causing several of the more weaker chunin's to loose control of their bowels.

---------

Kyuubi cackled inwardly as he calmly observed the collection of flesh sacks. Ah yes... How long has it been since he'd seen that beautiful look of fear adorning their pig-like faces? Too long, he decided. Now that he was finally free, he didn't quite know how to begin causing chaos and disorder.

Hmm... He'd done so much in his very long and eternal life, that he couldn't quite think up interesting ways to bring about terror to these foolish furless apes. There had to be a way to make things interesting... He'd been to so many dimensions where he'd either helped out his human counterpart from training him/her to become the most powerful kage in that world, to helping him/her rule the world as a dictator, to even taking up the mantle as leader of Akatsuki himself and bringing about an end to the world through a red dawn. He'd practically done it all, or at least he thought he did; benefits of being the only Kyuubi in the multiverse powerful enough to jump realities he supposed. His eyes settled thoughtfully on the empty shell of his previous container.

Slowly a fox like grin filled his visage as an idea started forming in his mind. Yes... This girl would amuse him for his stay in this dimension! He would take no active role in this dimension at all. The girl however.. He let out a harsh bark of insane sounding laughter. Several more chunin medics and several genin lost control of their bowels.

One of his tails lifted up the battered form of Uzumaki Nanako and settled her into the air in front of him. His face took on a thoughtful look, wondering whether or not he should alter her body and give her bonuses, like he had in so many other dimensions. He settled for not gifting her. Didn't want to make things TOO easy, did he?

One of his unoccupied tails viciously pierced her chest at where her heart would be. Absently he heard several gasps and exclamations of shock, horror and outrage. He didn't care though and continued his work. The room was filled with a flash of white light, temporarily blinding some of the fools that kept their eyes open. He settled the girl on the floor, extricating his tail from her chest, grinning as the wound closed up and healed at an unnatural speed.

He heard a feminine gasp from the form in front of him. She had been without air for almost ten minutes, so she greedily inhaled as much as her lungs would allow her. Slowly she regained consciousness and sat up groaning, mumbling about noodles and broth. His lips twitched wryly. Was he the only Uzumaki Naruto/Nanako that DIDN'T eat ramen to a fanatic degree? Probably.

When her sapphire blue eyes opened, she stared at him blandly in silence for several seconds. Her mind finally caught up with her as her eyes widened in horror and she pointed at him fearfully. "K-k-k-kyuubi!"

He smirked, preparing to speak when an annoying sound invaded his ears, sounding suspiciously like thousands of birds. The kitsune didn't grunt, nor did he flinch when a lightning covered arm was thrust through his chest. His eyebrow did however twitch once in annoyance as he stared at the offending limb.

He lazily flicked the arm with his pinky, causing it to snap upwards in a ninety degree angle(He grinned in pleasure as he noted the bone piercing the flesh). The kitsune ignored the haunting pain filled scream from the human behind him and gently flicked him with one of his tails. The gentle flick of the tail however, was akin to a fully powered punch given by Tsunade of the sannin. The silver haired pig was sent straight into a wall, leaving several craters in the wall.

Everyone looked on with horrified fascination as the arm sized hole in his chest closed up, regenerating bone and flesh leaving unscarred skin. The blood on his clothing absorbed into his the cloth, closing the hole in his robe and fish net shirt, looking as though he had never been hit.

He grinned ferally, once again unnerving everyone present, their instincts yelling at them to run far away and never return. The kitsune stood in front of the quivering form of the kit he used to be sealed into.

His face morphed into a vulpine grin, cackling inwardly at the chaos his actions were about to bring. He dropped to his knees and settled his forehead and arms on the floor in front of the whiskered blonde girl and bowed submissively.

"Greetings. I live to serve you, my Mistress... I am at your absolute command.. Ask, and I shall obey and grant you your every wish.. desire.." His tone turned suggestive and seductive as he continued, _"..and pleasure_" he purred.

Everyone present gaped incredulously at the bowing and submissive form of the legendary Kyuubi-no-kitsune. Nanako's face looked comical as she stared at the male bowing before her. "W-wait, what?!"

The Kyuubi lifted his forehead from the ground and looked up to stare into Nanako's eyes, conveying his 'sincerity'. "You have suffered a lonely and pitiful life due to my presence within you. My honor demands justice. Therefore, I shall live as your servant and obey your every wish, desire and _pleasure_, _my Mistress_. I am yours to command."

The poor blonde haired girl flushed in embarrassment, and waved her arms frantically. "Ah! Stop bowing to me, please! You're embarrassing me! Stand up, stand up!"

The kitsune smirked inwardly. What a curious reaction on the kit's part. "Mistress is much too kind and noble for a lowly servant such as myself. Very well, I shall stop bowing, as is your command."

He stood up, awaiting her next command, intentional or not. This was simply too amusing for him.

The whiskered girl sighed and rubbed her temples soothingly. "Ah, how the hell did I get into this complicated situation.." Her stomach growled. "Nya~! I'm so hungry! I wish i had a hot steaming bowl of miso ramen to help me think." she whined.

The kyuubi smirked lifted his right arm and snapped his fingers once. "As you wish, Mistress." The blonde haired girl blinked incredulously as a steaming bowl of miso ramen popped into existence in her left hand, and a pair of chopsticks in her right. Her eyes widened in awe. "Sugoi!! Free ramen, this is so cool!"

Those present had long since regained control of their frozen bodies as the strange events played out. They could only goggle and watch incredulously as the young girl ate enough ramen for ten bowls out of the cup without the contents becoming any less.

BURP

The whiskered girl blushed as everyone's eyes set on her incredulously. She handed the(still full) ramen cup and chop sticks back to the kitsune, and bowed her head in thanks. "Arigato! That was really, really good!" The orange and blue clad kitsune smirked inwardly as he idly vanished the ramen, yet another ramen addict.

The Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen sweat dropped where he sat. Could this really be the nine tailed fox of legend? Why wasn't he destroying Konoha seeking revenge? The fact that he was grovelling before Nanako said otherwise. And what was this of granting her every wish? He'd reserve his judgement for now. He hadn't assaulted any Konoha shinobi yet... Hmm.. Kakashi didn't really count though. After all, the man DID shove a chidori through the Kyuubi's chest. Who wouldn't be pissed off enough to retaliate? For now, he would observe.

The whiskered girl chewed her lip thoughtfully. Her stomach now full, she was able think about more important things without her hunger weighing on her mind. Like what she was supposed to do now? This was soo strange. It was at times like this, that she wished she had been told stories like that three wishes thing she heard about from a parental figure of her own. She sighed. Who were her parents anyway? The old man always told her he didn't know. Did they abandon her because of the kyuubi or something? Her eyes widened as she got an idea.

Nanako turned to face the Kyuubi. "Ne.. Kyuubi? I don't suppose you can tell me who my parents are?"

Inwardly, Kyuubi was greatly surprised at the unique request. Most people would ask for fortune and fame. Some would ask for immortality, and yet this little girl.. wanted to know who her parents were? She was getting even more curious by the minute, he mused. The fact that answering the question would bring all sorts of chaos from Iwa and interior Konoha proper was a great bonus.

He nodded 'respectfully'. "Very well Mistress. I shall reveal their names to you as per your command. Your mother is.."

"NO! Stop!"

Kyuubi frowned at the old flesh sack that had interrupted him. How dare he?! Did he not realise that a superior being was busy speaking? How rude!

A condensed ball of chakra formed on the tip of one of his tails and shot into the old man's crotch. He took great pleasure in the inhuman shriek of pain that came from the meat bag. Ah yes.. just as it should be. He returned his attention to the girl in front of him, ignoring the 'audience'.

"Right.. Anyways, your mother is Uzumaki Kushina, a miniature clone of yourself with red hair.. deceased. And your father is Namikaze Minato, the blonde haired toad bastard.. may he eternally rest in hell with flaming hot pitchforks shoved up his ass." He finished with a growl.

Nanako tilted her head, and scrunched up her nose cutely. "Now I know their names.. But I still don't know anything about them." She pouted and let out a resigned sigh. "I wish they were still alive so that I could find out what they were like."

The kitsune rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He didn't really want to bring that bastard toad licker back to life.. but this could be beneficial. It meant that he'd find out how much the village thought of his daughter, which in turn would make him raise all sorts of hell. Pure blissful chaos! He was starting to like the Kit more and more by the minute!

"Wish granted, Mistress." He replied smoothly, his grin hidden, and snapped his fingers once. With a flash of black and white two figures dropped from the air into the ground. Both the figures let out painful grunts.

"Owww.." A feminine voice whined.

Kyuubi snorted derisively. "Damn. I should have made them drop from a higher altitude."

The kitsune's comment went largely ignored seeing as everyone's eyes were focussed on the two new arrivals. One, a beautiful woman with long silken red hair and emerald eyes dressed in a blue dress, the other, a familiar face right out of history text books. Blonde spiked hair with blue eyes, wearing a white coat, with red flames licking at the bottom. It was undoubtedly the Yondaime Hokage.

The blonde male winced as he stood up. "Hey uh.. Kushina-chan? I think we're in Konoha."

The redhead stood up and gave the large room a once over. She gave the blonde a deadpan look. "No. You think?"

"M-mom?.. Dad?" The two turned and looked at who had spoken. When their eyes landed on the whiskered blonde haired girl, both gawked in surprise. "Nanako-chan?"

Barely a second has passed before Kushina had Nanako in a tight bone crushing hug. "M-mom! A-air, plea-_*cough*_-se!"

Minato smiled at the reunion before he finally started taking in the people in the room. The more faces he took in, the more he realised that he had indeed been brought back to life. My god, was that Kakashi in that broken bloodied heap on the floor? Eventually his eyes landed on a figure that made his blood run cold. "You! How the hell did you get out!?"

The kitsune rose an eyebrow inwardly. Did this fool not yet realise how hopelessly outclassed he was in his almighty presence? Unlike twelve years ago he wasn't weakened to only one tail of power, right now, he had it ALL! Hah, take that you blonde insect!

Kyuubi scoffed mockingly in response to Minato. "Foolish meat bag! Did you really think your cute little party tricks could contain me forever? HAH! I am the great Kyuubi-no-Kitsune! Slayer-of-Billions! Conqueror-of-Dimensions! Greatest Pirate of the endless infinite bloody seas! One thousand time bowling champion!!, and occasional door to door salesman. How can you possibly think to measure against my superior greatness?!!"

Minato's eyes glinted in a steely expression. "I don't know how the hell you got out, Kyuubi, but I wont let you get destroy Konoha! Kushina, cover me!" He quickly ran through a series of hand seals. Half way through he realised Kushina was still hugging and fussing over Nanako, while the Kyuubi stared boredly at him, waiting for him to finish the annoyingly long chain of seals.

Finally Minato did the last seal and called out the technique. "Shiki Fuin!"

Kyuubi merely raised an eyebrow. Minato started to sweat. Why wasn't the kitsune showing any fear, or reaction for the matter?

Everyone in the room felt a cold chill when the shinigami came into existance. Kyuubi flared his huge chakra reserves for a moment then stopped. Now he, and everyone nearby could see the pale purple makeup wearing monstrosity.

Minato steeled his nerves. He did this once, he could do it again. "Shinigami-sama! I summon you and offer you my soul to seal away the Kyuubi-no-Kitsune!"

The shinigami blinked at Minato, took one hard look at the Kyuubi then gave Minato a deadpan reply. _**"No."**_

The yondaime froze, small flecks of fear starting to fill his being. "W-what?! What do you mean no?! I did the technique correctly, I don't understand!?"

The shinigami shrugged, pointing at the kitsune whom was busy lazily cleaning his claws with a hiraishin kunai('When did he steal that?!' Minato growled inwardly). _**"Let me put it into simple words so that your feeble human mind can comprehend it then, Namikaze Minato. I cannot seal away a being that holds power equal to my own."**_

Minato gaped incredulously at the uncaring death god. "What? That's impossible! You sealed him away before, why can't you do it now?!"

Shinigami's purple slit eyes bore into Minato's own, as if piercing his very soul. _**"I could seal him away before because he was severely weakened. He only had access to a single tail of his power then. Right now he's recovered all tails of his power. Do you understand now?"**_

The Yondaime fell to his knees in silent horror. The Kyuubi was at its WEAKEST all those years ago?! How could he hope to put a stop to its destruction now? For the first time in years Namikaze Minato felt the sinking feeling of weakness. How was he supposed to protect his loved ones?

Kyuubi gave the sulking angsty blonde one look and shrugged, walking past him and up to the shinigami. He lifted his one arm and greeted the death god cordially. "Yo. Shinigami-teme. Haven't seen ya in a while."

Shinigami snorted and let out a chuckle, effectively scaring the living shit out of every human in hearing distance. _**"Still as disrespectful as ever Kyuubi-no-Kitsune... The boys back in the underworld have been missing you on poker nights, even Chronos, hard as it is to believe.. It's such a pity I had to seal you away all those years ago. You missed out on a lot of fun."**_

The kitsune's eye twitched in annoyance. "Don't act so familiar with me, you nonchalant asshole! You and Kami-chan are in cahoots with each other, I just know it! You both KNEW this would happen! Hell, you set the damn stage and forced me on it! I'm never giving ANYONE a binding favor again, I just know I'll get screwed over like you two did with me!"

The death god lazily waved his one arm placatingly. _**"Mah, mah. You need to calm down, Kyuubi-kun. Stress will make your hair grey like mine. Anyways, I'm not really needed here anymore, so I'll be going back now. People's souls to collect and torment for all eternity, you know the business."**_

Shinigami slowly faded away into darkness, but right before he completely disappeared, his echoing voice spoke to the kitsune once more. _**"By the way, you used up a favor from myself and Kami each for bringing those two humans back to life. Thought you should know... Oh, and do visit sometime, Kyuubi-kun, Kami has missed having tea and picnics with you."**_

Kyuubi glared at the slowly dissipating death god. "Then she shouldn't have put me in stasis in the first place." He grumbled grouchily.

The cold aura of death finally disappeared completely, allowing everyone present to breath easily again. The kitsune walked to and crouched near the seated form of Uzumaki Nanako. "Right then. Mistress? I believe theres something you were doing before my release?"

At the whiskered girl's confused look he elaborated by pointing mockingly at Akadou Yoroi. "You were fighting that meat bag to prove your superiority, yes?"

Nanako chuckled sheepishly and nodded, still overwhelmed at the concept of actually having parents, much less a god like deity being her servant. "Yeah. This is all really great and all, but I wish we could finish up here so that I can get to know mom and dad for real."

The feral looking male nodded and snapped his fingers. "Your wish is my command, Mistress."

When everyone in the room blinked again, they noticed that only three people remained in the arena. The two chunin hopeful's and the sickly looking referee. Minato and Kushina now stood amongst the crowd of jounin sensei's and genin looking down into the arena, while Kakashi sat unconscious in a corner, receiving medical attention. The Kyuubi sat comfortably on the railing in front of the Sandaime, swinging his legs lazily.

Hayate looked nervously between the two genin, shrugged once and stepped back. "Uh.._*cough*_ Begin again..?"

Akadou Yoroi frowned as he eyed his opponent again. Once a weakling, always a weakling, he thought. Master Orochimaru's favorite saying as it were. He decided to take his master's wise words to heart. "I've beaten you once little girl, and I'll do it again."

Nanako laughed stupidly. "Hah! Yeah right. Before, I couldn't do much because that snake freak screwed up my chakra control, but now it's even better than it was before! I'll kick your ass for sure beetle eyes!"

Yoroi scoffed disbelievingly, inwardly crying at the insult. "I don't believe you. Once a weakling, always a weakling. Well, lets get this farce of a fight over with."

The whiskered girl glared heatedly at her opponent. "What?! Call me weak will you!? I'll make you kiss your own ass, BASTARD! Kage Bunshin-no-Jutsu!"

Yoroi felt a slight sliver of nervousness when roughly a hundred clones were created. Before, she could only make roughly ten to fifteen at a time, but this..? This was just ridiculous(He felt very unnerved when they all cracked their knuckles in eery symmetry). What's worse, was the fact that they seemed to be moving much faster than before. He sobbed inwardly as they charged him much like a raging stampede of bulls.

------

Hayate sweat dropped as he prodded the broken and bleeding form of Akadou Yoroi. "Um.. Is he _*cough*_ still alive?"

Nanako shrugged, all one hundred of them. The referee sighed tiredly. "Whatever. Winner _*cough**cough*_ Uzumaki Nanako!"

The whiskered girl grinned cheekily and released all of her clones with a large puff of smoke, then cheerily headed up the stairs.

The sickly looking proctor looked up at the display, going into another fit of coughing. ".._*cough**cough*_ Can Yamanaka _*cough*_ Ino and _*cough**cough*_ Haruno _*cough*_ Sakura please come down _*cough*_ to the _*cough*_ arena?"

Hayate's blood ran cold when he felt a deadly killing intent wash over him. Looking up he saw the Kyuubi glaring at him, his eyebrow twitching showing his annoyance. "K-k-*cough*-kyuubi-s-*cough*-sama?" The pale man stuttered out with several coughs.

The kitsune growled at the man and lifted his arm and pointed at the sickly proctor. "Your coughing is annoying me, insect!" Hayate saw his life flashing before his eyes as a small sphere of white energy shot at him from the tip of the kitsune's finger. When the sphere struck he let out a pained scream as he felt his lungs being crushed and folded several hundred times in the span of a few seconds.

All jounin present prepared to attack the Kyuubi only to stop when Hayate shakily stood up, still living, looking extremely shocked. After several minutes of silence with the proctor going through several varying facial expressions, Hayate, to the shock of everyone, dropped to his knees and bowed to the Kyuubi. "Thank you very much, Kyuubi-sama! You are most gracious to bless a mere mortal such as myself with this gift!"

While everyone gawked at the, now healthy looking proctor, and his lack of sickly sounding coughs, the Kitsune waved his arm lazily. "Enough grovelling, meat bag. Get on with the show already. I'm getting bored."

Hayate blinked at the kitsune's reply, looked behind him at the two frozen forms of Sakura and Ino and nodded curtly. The proctor walked between the two genin's and begun the match. "Second preliminary match, between Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura, begin!"

---------

Kyuubi sighed as he watched the two girls trash talk each other. He had forgotten how utterly pathetic freshly graduated genin were. Back in his home dimension he had killed those two brats along with every other would-be graduate in his academy class. Chunin teacher included. He had been dragged, kicking and screaming, before the council of Konoha where they demanded answers for actions. Being the good scholarly boy he was, he had told the senile bastards how he had read in a bingo book about his hero, Momochi Zabuza, demon of mist, and how he had slaughtered his own graduation class and given the rank of chunin. He then fed them some bullshit story about not having parental figures to tell him wrong from right. The stupid bastards(The Sandaime, his two buttbuddies Danzo and Homura and that whore Koharu) actually swallowed the lie and made him a chunin, much to many clan head's and civilian council- men and women's outrage.

Heh.. good times.

He tilted his head absently, observing how the pinkette pulled on the blonde's hair, while said blonde scratched the pinkette in her face. A fox-like grin appeared on his face. Curious. A cat fight huh? Hmhmhmm. Potential for chaos! Excellent!

With a snap of the Kyuubi's fingers, both genin found themselves struggling to retain their balance in a pit of slippery mud. When Sakura slipped, tripped and fell, dragging Ino on top of her, they both realised that they were clad in nothing but thin bikini's, both in the color orange. Most amusing to the kitsune however, was the fact that they had their lips locked. Yep, he decided, maybe the twelve years of being sealed away could be made up with all the chaos he would cause in this dimension.

Life was great.

-------


	2. Chapter 2

Chaos' best friend is Kyuubi

Chapter 2

By ToxicManipulator

_-----------------------------------------_

_----=(Dream)=----_

_A young whiskered blonde boy sat in a sparsely decorated room riddled with dust, excepting the constantly used bed. The young preteen sat huddled between countless heaps of disorganized and messy scrolls, reading from a little black book. He nibbled daintily on a chocolate chip cookie. One of 'his' favorites. The blonde's locks of hair sat in all directions, looking very much like a bird's nest. He was clothed in an oversized navy blue short sleeved shirt and oversized knee length black shorts, the clothes belonged to 'him', much like the room itself did. A crescent white and red fan was sewed into the back of the shirt. The symbol of the Uchiha clan._

_The boy was currently studying a page in the little book he held with great focus. On the top of the page it read, Momochi Zabuza - A Rank - Mist. His eyes shone with intense interest as he read and reread the missing nin's page. One line in particular amongst the page of text stood out most to him however. He murmured as he read it. "...Only known mist shinobi to graduate directly from the academy and become a Chunin?... Hmm.."_

_Naruto tapped his chin thoughtfully as his mind went over the information he just read. It would certainly be handy being a chunin ranked nin. Granted, he wasn't exactly chunin material, but, being a chunin had advantages. Like being able to get into the shinobi library! All those precious thousands of killing techniques to be learned. He drooled at the thought, then groaned when he realized he had a little tent in his pants. _

_Damn it, that was the third time this week! He prayed that he didn't have to see a shrink just because he got throbbing hard-on's just by thinking of killing. The boy could only hope it was something normal amongst shinobi._(Somewhere in the forest of death, Mitarashi Anko sneezed, stopped for a moment and shrugged, continuing to torture a hapless civilian that had in her own words, 'undressed me with his perverted eyes!')_. He sighed and returned his thoughts to a more safe subject. Another bonus to being Chunin, was the fact that you get paid for doing practically nothing. Sure, you had to stand around and look pretty on gate guarding duty, or sit around all day sorting files in an administrative position, but still! Free money to look pretty? Hell yeah!_

_The blonde wasn't an idiot by any stretch of the imagination, no. He just had his own survival in mind most of the time. Stupid bastard villagers and their pointy objects! 'Just wait, you no good goat fuckers...one day I'll be top dog and make all of you bow and eat each other before me!', he thought viciously. He didn't realize, that at the time he was doubled over and laughing hysterically and drooling, muttering the words 'diediedie!' repeatedly._

_As he got a hold over himself, the blonde took out a small photo from his pocket. "Ne, ne, you think it's a good idea Itachi-sensei? Killing everyone in my class that is?" The picture of a bloodied Uchiha Itachi with several dead bodies littering the ground around him remained silent. "Yeah! You're right! Being Chunin earlier WOULD be a huge help! How should I do it though?" Unsurprisingly, the picture remained unchanged. "Use what works huh? Yeah, Zabuza-san was pretty crafty, killing them all using that silent killing technique. Can you teach it to me, Itachi-sensei?" Itachi seemed to glare at the boy from the photo. "*sigh* Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll 'make do' with what I got. Thanks sensei!" He put the photo away._

_Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, the young blonde considered how to go about disabling a class full of people's vision without knowing the hidden mist technique. His eyes landed on a scroll titled __'The idiot's guide to making homemade teargas - by Eidara Dey'.__ Slowly a malicious grin crept onto his face._

_-------_

_Naruto studied the room full of academy students and one Chunin. His own class. Damned weaklings. Just look at 'em smile like the idiots they are. The teacher, his name was Mizuki or something similar, was going to teach them how to use the replacement technique today. Fortunately, for the blonde, the room had no windows due to past accidents of logs having broken them. Nice. Only one escape. Perfect. Nowhere to run, since he just locked the door. Kukuku. The whiny little bastards wouldn't know what hit 'em._

_The bonde slowly and inconspicuously lowered his goggles and covered his eyes, then took out a long cloth from his backpack and covered his nose and mouth with it. That done, he inched a good distance away from the crowd. Ever so slowly, he pulled out a box filled to the brim with his class' soon to be demise. Grinning savagely, he threw all the jars, breaking them between the crowd, smirking viciously when everyone started coughing, itching and rubbing their burning eyes and skin, sounding distressed._

_Naruto quickly flipped the switch for the lights, leaving everyone but him in darkness. He didn't know why, but for some reason he could see in the dark. His pupils became slit whenever it was dark. Hmm...weird. Must be a bloodline he mused. Oh well, more important things to be done right now._

_Fumbling with his backpack, the young boy pulled out a megaphone and turned it on. His eery whisper filled the room full of nervous, scared and weeping crybabies. _

_**"Eight points for death... Larynx, spine, lungs, liver, jugular, subclavian artery, kidneys, heart. So many choices to choose from...*giggle*... I just LOVE multiple choice!"**_

_----=(End Dream)=----_

_------_

The world slowly came into focus for the kitsune as he made several smacking sounds with his lips and yawned widely, showing his fangs to the world. "Heh. What a good dream."

"You're kidding, right?" A deadpan voice spoke.

Looking up, he saw Kushina frowning down at him. He raised an eyebrow. "About having one of my old time favorite dreams? Nope. Not at all."

He sat up from the couch and stretched, lazily eyeing the frowning redhead that stood with her arms crossed. "Like what you see?" He quipped, grinning slyly. He had slept without his robe or fishnet shirt on.

Kushina eyed his rippling muscles, then averted her eyes and forced down the tint of pink she felt on her cheeks. "I've seen better." she muttered.

A lie. The kitsune could smell as much. He lay back on the couch, resting his hands behind his head and flexing his arms pointedly. "You sure about that? I could always reveal more skin..." one of his tails snaked up her legs and playfully groped her left cheek. Kushina jumped away from his probing tail with a squeak. The kitsune snickered.

A growl caught his attention. He watched amused as she tried to glower a hole through his head. He winked. She flipped him the bird and grumbled at him. "Keep your tails to yourself, Ero-Kitsune."

Naruto pouted playfully and tried(while failing) to look innocent. "That might be a problem. You see...they have a mind of their own, and are especially restless around cute blushing girls. The fact that you have cute pert buttocks aren't helping."

Kushina scowled at the kitsune. "I'm not a little girl, Ero-Kitsune. I think that would be obvious given the facts. And for the love of Kami-sama, leave my ass alone!" The blonde huffed, and rolled his eyes. "One, yes, you are a little girl. Gods, compared to my age, you are a young kitling still learning to walk. And two, I'll have you know I'm a prude compared to most other kitsune. Seriously. You DON'T want to see how perverted the average kitsune is."

The redhead rose an eyebrow, amused, then snickered. "Let me get this straight, you're a pervert, AND a paedophile? And you have the gall to act all high and mighty around humans? *snort* Oh yeah, I see why you're so respected." she finished sarcastically.

Naruto huffed childishly, pouting at the redhead. "Hey, I'll have you know that love comes in all sorts of shapes, forms and sizes. Age difference is just a silly concept you humans came up with. Would you discriminate against a loving relationship between a couple, one being aged two thousand, and the other ten millennia?"

Kushina sweat dropped. How the hell did an immortal incarnation of terror and evil look so cute and innocent pouting? She shook her viciously to clear her thoughts. "Uh.. Don't you feel like a dirty old lecher flirting with women not even a fraction of your own age?"

The kitsune scoffed indignantly. "Sweety, do I LOOK old to you?" The young woman looked at his rock hard muscles and young looking physique and turned away as if burning. "Gah! Stop that, Ero-Kitsune!"

"Fine, fine. No need to yell. Now, was there any reason I woke up to you ogling me?"

Kushina scowled at him. "I wasn't ogling, and no. I am a bit disturbed from what I heard you mutter in that so called 'good dream' of yours. I'm not sure I want a murderous psychopath anywhere near my daughter, let alone in my home. As is stands however, you hijacked the couch. Why are you even here? Can't you just disappear until Nanako-chan needs you or something?"

Naruto frowned, and shook his head. "No. I don't trust her alone. I'm not exactly living inside her to keep an eye on her anymore, so I'll stick as close as I can. Do you have any idea how many dicks I had to incinerate that attempted to defile the kit?"

The redhead went silent, and shuddered unwillingly as she recalled some of the past that the Kitsune had recounted to her and Minato. "You're right...I'm sorry, I guess. Thank you for looking after her when no one else would."

The kitsune looked away and murmured a response. "Sure, whatever." He shook his head, clearing it of depressing thoughts and grinned brightly at the young woman. "Anyways! You wanted to know about my sweet dreamy dream right? It was actually more of a memory from when I was a human, than a dream."

Kushina's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, wait, wait. You mean you were actually HUMAN at some point in your life? The same race you keep bad mouthing, leering at, eyeing like fresh steaks, and generally being an all around asshole to, human race?"

Naruto huffed sulkily. "It's not THAT hard to believe." A snort answered him. "Indulge me then, Oh mighty Kyuubi-no-Kitsune!"

The blonde frowned. Damn sarcastic wench, make fun of him will she? Unbidden, a vulpine-like smirk graced his features. She'd rue the day!

He smiled brightly at the redhead. She didn't notice the glint of mischief in his closed eyes. "Alright. I'll oblige you, Ku-shi-na-chan~!" She blinked, then frowned. "Hey wait a minu-" She yelped in surprise when two of his tails curled around her and deposited her on his lap. A third tail wrapped snuggly around her midriff, while the first two secured around her legs, a fourth settled around her shoulders and pulled her flush against the kitsune.

Kushina attempted to push herself away from the kistune but couldn't budge. She flushed scarlet when she realized her hands were settled on his chest. "Gah! Let go of me Ero-Kitsune!" She didn't risk stabbing him, Kami knows, it would be like cutting into a rubber ball. He wouldn't get hurt either way, and she'd just end up with blood on her couch_(She liked that couch, damn it!!)_. She shivered when she felt him breathing near her ear, and bit back a moan as one calloused hand settled on the small of her back the other on her thigh. Damn Minato for holding back on her last night! She wouldn't be this flustered if the blonde bastard hadn't come home late and fell asleep.

"Comfy?" She blushed as he murmured to her. "If you try anything perverted I'll stab you in the balls, Ero-Kitsune." A snicker answered her.

"Alright. Lets begin. Once upon a time, there was a young blonde haired boy!(_'That's me by the way!'_ *painful nudge* 'No shit sherlock, get on with it!') Right, well this young blonde haired little boy was born into a ninja village('There were ninjas and ninja village's thousands of years ago?' *nose flick* *painful yelp*_ 'Don't interrupt.'_), and he was a very happy little boy! But that changed several days after his birth,('Oooh, suspense.' *poke*_ 'No sarcasm either.'_), for you see, his dear loving mother was assassinated by a one eyed, crippled, cock sucking, warmongering(*painful nudge* 'I think I get it, carry on.'), bastard."

"Of course not all was lost, the boy still had his dear loving father! But the boy would later learn in his life that looking at the bright side of things was just asking for that 'benevolent' bitch called fate to fuck things up for him. And so, his so called loving father, the toad licking bastard that he was, decided in his grief to put the blame for his wive's death on the poor innocent boy, by damning the boy, and dying a martyr. ('You're shitting me. The words 'you' and 'Innocent' don't go well together.' *forehead flick* *pout*_ 'Stop interrupting damn it!'_). He did this by sealing one big ugly ass mother fucker, or a demon as they were known to the kindly villagers in those days, into his own son. His last request before he died was for it to be known to all in his village that his son housed the demon that had ruined countless thousand's of lives, and killed many fold more."

"So, as you may surmise, when the kindly villagers found out what had happened, they underwent a transformation. They transformed from the kindly, innocent and good-natured villagers, into flesh eating, happiness stealing, soul sucking vermin.('Hey, is that why you're always calling people meat bag's and flesh sack's?' *glare* *eep* 'No talking, gotcha.') And thus, the poor parentless lonely boy grew up amongst those vermin. Not a day passed easily for the poor boy's first ten years of life, forcing him to grow up before his time, to adapt, and survive. But, life was not totally unforgiving for our young blonde haired hero,('Wait, you think YOU'RE a hero?' *snort* *nose flick* 'Fine, I'll shut up.'), for he had made a friend. We'll call this friend of his red, because he had red eyes.('How original.' *glare* *nervous laughter* 'Sorry.')"

"The young blonde protagonist's friend red saw the unjust treatment of the boy, and decided in a rare act of kindness_ (for his clan was full of a bunch of pricks with mile long poles shoved up their asses)_ to help the boy. He taught the boy how to read, and how to write. He taught the boy how to turn any situation to his own advantage. He also taught the boy advanced philosophy. But most importantly of all, he taught the boy how to solve his problems once and for all. He taught him how to kill mercilessly and without bias those whom wronged him, and how not to get caught.('Aha! So being a psychopath IS contagious!' *spank* *sputter* 'Y-you spanked me!' _'Shut up and listen.'_)"

"Unfortunately for the poor blonde boy, this would not last. Alas, his dear friend and teacher red-sensei had to leave the village permanently shortly after his clan's demise. For you see, it was against the laws of the village to murder your own clan, even IF they are a bunch of useless pink-eyed bastards.('I thought you insinuated their eye color was red?'_ 'Noway! Red-sensei's eyes were the color of real blood! It made him look so sexy and cool whenever he would glare with them. His clan's eyes were stupid looking anyway.'_ *shudder* 'I'll just ignore you said that'_ 'good idea.'_) And thus, left without his wonderful sensei to further tutor him, the poor boy could not bare the thought of not being without his amazing sensei. So he broke into his red-sensei's abandoned home, and made his dust riddled room his own. The boy was not satisfied merely with this, so he sought out a most useful relic in the likeness of his departed sensei, and prayed to it whenever he would need advice. And answer the relic did, for that is what relic's do.('Eh.. you TALKED to a PHOTO?' *shrugs sheepishly*_ 'It was only for a while, I grew out of it after some time. I'm told all young kids have imaginary friends'_ *dubious stare*_ 'No, really!'_)"

"And so, the young boy's days passed in silent meditation and prayer, trying to think up ways to help better his own terrible situation. One day though, at the age of ten, the now wise young boy, while going through his sensei's many books and scrolls that were left behind, he found an interesting little book. This book instructed the young boy on how to immediately get recognition, and training for his talents. And so, the young boy did create many a teargas bomb.('Teargas? Seriously?' *sigh* 'Oh come on, I was under the impression you did something otherwordly, like making a deal with the devil or something.' *blank stare* *sheepish smile* 'sorry. please continue.') The boy was anything but impatient though, so he waited for many a month until finally an opportunity presented itself. Using this opportunity, he bathed his foolish fellow scholars of the art of the ninja, in teargas. Their 'supposed' master, whom was supposed to teach them to be ninjaish('Ninjaish?' *snicker* *pout*_ 'Oh come on. It's a cool word.'_ *giggle* 'Ninjaish?!'_ '...shut up'_). Right, their supposed 'master' also fell prey to the deadly teargas. (*disbelieving gaze*_ '...what?'_ 'I hardly think teargas counts as deadly.'_ 'Hush, will you?'_)"

"And thus, with his fellow scholars and master bathed in the deadly teargas, did he remove light from from the dojo by destroying the lights, for the dojo had no windows, and he had locked the door when noone was looking. It was then, with the stage set and the actors out, that the young boy brought out his most holy relic for the occasion. The sound bringer! ('The what?' *rolls eyes*_ 'A megaphone Ku-shi-na-chan, a megaphone.'_ *snicker* ' So, "The sound bringer" huh?' *sigh*) With the sound bringer, the boy did utter an unholy verse to his would be victims, scaring the hell out of those poor bastards. He then slowly and systematically killed everyone in the trapped and dark environment, for he had a blessing of sight in the darkness. It was then, that the leader of The-village-filled-to-the-brim-with-vermin came upon the scene. And horrified he was, for you see, the leader had an odd unusual attraction to the boy. The young boy suspected that the old leader was in fact a child lover, only later did he discover that the old leader saw the boy as his own grandson. Why the old bastard only told him after ten years of suffering, the boy did not know, for he only cared to advance in ranks and become stronger with the blessing of the leader. And blessed he was, after much arguing with the village scrooges who helped lead the village, did the boy get granted the title of journeyman, and allowed to learn more advanced technique. And the boy did live happily ever after, finally being allowed to learn the many thousands of killing techniques available to journeymen ninja's."

Kushina gave the kitsune a disbelieving look. The blonde rose an eyebrow. "What?"

The redhead rolled her eyes. "What exactly did that story have to do with your 'happy dream?'" Naruto grinned roguishly. "Isn't it obvious? I was dreaming of the day I killed my class of fellow would be graduates and got promoted for it. Of course, the clan heads whose children I killed were pretty pissed off at me. Too bad for them they couldn't do anything unless they wanted to be tried for treason. Ah, good times, good times."

Kushina nodded, slightly creeped out at the happy grin on his face and the vacant look in his eyes. She mentally filed away the fact that he was a Jinchuriki at some point in his life too. "Great. Story time is over, can you let go of me now?" Naruto tilted his head to the side. "I dunno, you seem pretty comfortable in my opinion." At Kushina's questioning glance, the blonde nodded towards her hands that were stroking the tails wrapped around her legs. She blushed crimson.

"What's going on here?" The cool voice spoke up from behind the blonde and redhead. Kushina yelped in surprise, while Naruto lazily turned and looked into the unamused face of one pissed looking Yondaime Hokage in pajama's. "Yo. I was just telling Ku-shi-na-chan here about how I used to be a piece of human filth like you, meat bag."

Minato scowled at his cordial tone of voice. "Could you PLEASE stop calling people that derogatory term? The council is pissed off enough as it is thanks to you calling them, what was it.. ah, 'goat fucking meat bags'.. was it?" At Naruto's cheerful nod, Minato frowned thoughtfully. "Wait a minute...what do you mean by you used to be human?"

Naruto blinked, picked Minato up by the scruff of his neck with a tail and deposited the man, who let out a grunt, on the coffee table infront of him. "You don't seriously think I was just born the Kyuubi-no-Kitsune, do you? I mean, sure, I was probably the most sexy and handsomest of human filth back then, but do you really think the God's just hand out power without you having earned it?"

At Minato's deadpan look the blonde sighed. "Bakayaro! Fact- I was a human several hundred millennia ago. Fact- I became a kitsune. Fact- There's no way, even under torture of Shinigami-teme that I'd ever reveal how I did as such." Without further ado, he stuck out his tongue and blew the Yondaime a raspberry.

Minato felt his eyebrow twitch, and a headache coming. "So, what you mean to say is, that all the Bijuu were human at some point in their lives." Naruto smiled brightly, and answered in a polite and civil manner. "No, stupid meat bag."

The Yondaime let out a frustrated growl. "Bah! What the hell? You just said that you used to be human-" "You didn't let me finish, furless ape. The Bijuu are the eight incarnations representing the sin of humanity as a whole. Each has its own sin."

Minato blinked, then frowned. "Wait a minute, I thought there were only seven deadly sins?" Naruto grinned cheerily. "A common misconception. It's actually eight deadly sins." He said, lying through his teeth. The Yondaime nodded thoughtfully. "Alright... What sins do they each represent then?"

Inwardly, Naruto gaped disbelievingly at the Yondaime. The idiot actually bought it? Wow, the intelligence of humanity at its best, he mused.

"Alright, try to pay attention meat bag. I know it is beyond your mortal capabilities, but even a bug like you should remember this. The eight sins are gluttony, lust, envy, pride, sloth, avarice, wrath and sorrow. In order, one through eight, I'll speak slowly so that you may comprehend which sins represent which demon."

"The Ichibi-no-Tanuki represents gluttony. The Nibi-no-Nekomata respresents lust. Sanbi-no-Umibouzu, envy. Yonbi-no-Satori, avarice. Gobi-no-Uma-kujira, pride. Rokubi-no-Sazae-oni, sloth. Shichibi-no-Kamikirimushi, wrath. And finally, the Hachibi-no-Ushi-oni houses sorrow."

Minato nodded, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Okay. So where does that put you, Kyuubi?" Naruto snickered, pulling Kushina closer to him, earning an indignant squeak and a blush from her, and a frosty glare from the Yondaime. "Nowhere! I'm not a demon, they are! Get it? Hahahaha!"

The Yondaime scowled at the kitsune. Despite having lived with the Kyuubi for several days now, he still wasn't used to his chaotic behaviour. He would have thrown the mooching bastard out long ago if it wasn't for his daughter insisting he stay, lest she go live in her apartment. He'd seen the condition of her apartment. Which was why the Kyuubi was presently hogging Kushina's favorite couch. Frankly, he didn't know WHY she liked the ratty thing. It felt lumpy to him. It didn't help matters either with the fact that the council of Konoha wanted him to retake his seat as Hokage, and were demanding he 'vanquish' the 'baby eating demon'. But, he knew he had to integrate the damn fox into Konoha SOMEHOW. After all, he didn't want to call the kitsune's bluff whether or not he could incinerate all of Konoha with a snap of his fingers.

Minato didn't quite know HOW to go about integrating the Kyuubi into Konoha though, that was the problem. And so, like he would in any similar situation, he decided to go with the first thing that came to mind. "You're going to give a public speech to all of Konoha later."

Silence

Naruto blinked. Kushina blinked. They looked at each other, blinked once again. Then stared at Minato, giving him a look that clearly conveyed the message, 'What the hell are you thinking, dumbass?'

The yondaime sighed, rubbing his already aching forehead. "Alright, I know it may sound stupid, but bear with me. Sooner or later everyone in Konoha is going to know that you aren't sealed away anymore. That will eventually lead to either a civil war, riots and all sorts of other annoying things I don't want to deal with. Nor the mountains of paperwork I'd need to fill out for said events for that matter." He grinned eerily at the kitsune. "That's where you come in. I'm going to tell everyone, all of Konoha, that it was Madara that screwed you over and that you aren't really to blame. THEN I'll tell them about the seal failing because they did psychological damage to my daughter, yes, I'm revealing that little tidbit too. Give the bastards something to sweat about. I'll introduce you to Konoha, and you're going to tell everyone a bit about yourself, and we'll all live happily ever after. Got it?"

Naruto bit his lip, and thought for a moment before nodding. "Sure. I get your wife though."

Minato nodded happily. "Great, I'm glad yo- WHAT?!"

The kitsune snickered, pulling Kushina flush against his chest and wrapping his arms around her, ignoring her mewl of protest. "Aw come on, meat bag. You're the Hokage. Nobility, or some stupid shit like that. You get to practise polygamy as a perk. You only married Ku-shi-na-chan here because of a political marriage to gain Uzu-no-Kuni as an ally, I'm not stupid. I think I remember turning that entire country to an ashy ruin while Madara controlled me. So you don't really have any reason to stay married to her. Come on, I promise I'll take real good care of her! Pretty please?" He finished, eyeing Minato with a kicked puppy look.

The Hokage frowned. True, he didn't really marry Kushina out of love. Both of them had done so out of duty to their countries, knowing it would probably be a loveless marriage. Sure the sex was great every once in a while, but neither really cared 'that' way for the other. He had hoped that they might get closer after having a child, but then the whole Kyuubi fiasco happened. And then they were brought back to life. Kushina was NOT amused to learn what kind of life he forced their child to live. His balls still had ached with ghost pains whenever he saw her.

Minato was still rather young for a kage. Officially, now that he wasn't marked as 'deceased' anymore, he was aged thirty-nine. In reality, he looked in his early twenties, he was twenty-six when he 'died'. In his perverted sensei, Jiraiya's own words, he was still young in the dating game'. Which meant that he still had good opportunity to actually find a woman that he could genuinely love. "He brings up a good point, you know, Kushina-chan?"

Kushina blinked, and nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed. I never really liked you like that anyway. You're more like an annoying overprotective brother to me, really." Minato smiled in response. "Great. And I've thought of you as a bratty little sister. This idea might have some merit!" Kushina responded by kicking him in the chin and sending him toppling over the coffee table.

"...Uwah?" He groaned as he sat up on the floor, groaning in slight pain. He saw the redhead glaring at him, her eyebrow twitching sporadically. "Bakayaro! I'm not an object! A divorce is fine and dandy, but I'm not some payment to Ero-Kitsune just so you can have peace!"

She slammed the back of her head into Naruto's nose, causing it to audibly break, grunting in pain. Several seconds passed and she heard a telltale snap of his nose healing itself. "Mah, that's not very nice Ku-shi-na-chan! You got some of my blood in your hair now."

Kushina's eyes widened when the kitsune informed her. "Nya~! I've got Ero-Kitsune blood on me! Ew, ew, ew! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" She started rapidly wiggling on his lap in an attempt to be free from her confinement.

Naruto rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers once. "There, it's gone. Now will you stop acting like a baby, Ku-shi-na-chan?"

The redhead growled. "And that's another thing! Why do you keep calling me in that annoying way? It's Kushina! No pauses between syllables! Let go of me , you pervy asshole!"

The kitsune huffed, feeling slightly annoyed. "Do I have to spank you, to get you to settle down?"

The lack of wiggling and movement from the woman on his lap answered him. "Good." He purred huskily into her ear, delighting in the shiver that ran up her spine. One of the two hands settled on her midriff move to her right thigh and softly caressed her. "You'll behave, wont you?" An almost inaudible moan was the response he got.

Minato looked slightly nervous as he eyed the two. "Um... She's right about the whole not being an object thing.(He winced when she glared at him) You'll still give a speech though, right?" he asked hopefully. He REALLY didn't like paperwork. Damned Satan spawns!

The blonde kitsune shrugged. "Sure, sure. Just get divorced and find yourself a nice harem of flesh sacks, and I'll do that silly little speech. I'll get Ku-shi-na-chan here to fold eventually." The woman in question growled slightly under the haze of affectionate gestures. "I wont be your next lay, damn Ero-Kitsune!" He grinned in response. Such a fiery and stubborn girl. He enjoyed a good challenge. Taking an experimental nip at her earlobe, he grinned when she didn't shy away from the contact. In fact, she seemed content to receive the attention if the way she arched her back told him anything.

So the furless blonde ape wasn't very affectionate in his time with her, hmm? The more fool him. Girls like Kushina were very rare finds. Beautiful, strong and powerful, unafraid to question authority when not in agreement. Boldly kicking the ass of anyone to defy them despite stacked odds. Naruto knew better though. Beneath the hardened and temperamental exterior lay a gentle soul, weary of the many terrible things in the world, and seeking genuine affection and perhaps, love. He had a good feeling Kushina was like that.

He smirked foxily. Well, there's that, and the fact that he enjoyed women who weren't afraid to beat the hell out of him when he made a screw up. Call him a masochist, but he didn't exactly appreciate those that couldn't speak up for themselves, and fight tooth and nail for what they wanted. His hand settled on her left breast and gave it a few experimental squeezes. Ah.. perfect, C-cup. Not even the fist rapidly approaching his nose could kill this moment. His world went dark.

----

Naruto blinked as the blurry surroundings came back into focus. He looked to his left and saw Kushina chasing around Minato, attempting to wipe off the blood on her knuckles onto his clothes. He sat up and winced. Having bone fragments shoved into your brain via a punched in nose always sucked. The headache lasted for FIVE whole minutes! The torture! With a sigh, he snapped his fingers and he was fully cleaned and clothed in his favorite attire.

He perked up when Minato ran into the room, yelling with a pleading voice. "C'mon Kushina-chan. Be reasonable! I just bought these Pj's!" A gleeful cackling voice answered. "Hah. Who would've thought! The great Namikaze Minato, reduced to a little girl more concerned over the state of his clothing because of a few drops of blood!"

"Damn it, Kushina-chan! These silk pj's are brand new, and expensive too! What would you do if I wiped blood on your clothes?!" The fiery Kunoichi rolled her eyes. "I'd wash them, baka."

Naruto chuckled at their behaviour. "Yare yare! Acting like little brats. If only the kit could see you now."

"It think its funny as hell." A voice to his right piped up. He blinked, and looked at the grinning form of Uzumaki Nanako. She was still dressed in the silk orange pj's he had conjured for her last night. The cartoonish bowls of ramen and kunai were a nice touch as the girl had told him. Her blonde locks looked damp and hastily dried. She had apparently had a shower before coming down.

He smiled in response. "Did you have a good night's sleep, kit?" After a day of being called Mistress, the young girl had badgered him into calling her anything but that. So he settled on calling her kit instead(He wouldn't admit it, but he genuinely enjoyed calling her that). She had insisted on calling him something other than Kyuubi as a result. His eyebrow twitched. Kushina had gotten the habit of calling him 'Ero-Kitsune' from Nanako. The little brat had dubbed him that after the whole bikini mud wrestling thing several days ago.

The whiskered girl grinned cheerily. "It was okay, I guess. It's pretty weird sleeping on a completely different bed so suddenly though." Naruto hummed thoughtfully, and pulled the young girl onto his lap, grinning when she pouted at him for being abducted from her spot on Minato's recliner. With a flick of his wrist, a hairbrush appeared in his hand. The girl hummed contently as he gently brushed her hair. He grinned wryly. The kit had certainly taken advantage of the fact that he was her 'servant'. Despite this, she treated him more like a friend than anything.

He blinked when the girl turned around to hug and cuddle him after finishing brushing her hair. His eyebrow twitched. Scratch that. The brat thought he was an oversized walking toy plushy.

The Kitsune's eyes drooped and he let out a sigh of satisfaction, he hadn't noticed Nanako's fingers snaking up to his ears. Okay, maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought. The kit certainly had a certain finesse when it came to massaging his foxy ears and tails.(He REFUSED to call it petting. He wasn't some bloody domesticated animal.) That sort of made up for it. "Kit.." He mumbled, eyes glazing.

"Hm?" He blinked, brought out of the spell and looked at the curious looking little blonde. Several of his tails wrapped around her and pulled her close. "The toad licker said I have to give a speech to the all the worthless bugs that live in this village. I want you there with me to help the more slower ones realise that indeed I am the Kyuubi and you are not."

The whiskered girl nodded then scrunched her nose cutely. "Ne, Ero-Kitsune?" His eyebrow twitched, as he hummed questioningly. "Why do you call dad all those weird nick names all the time?" The kitsune huffed. "For the same reason that you call me Ero-Kitsune, gaki."

Nanako blinked curiously, and cutely tilted her head to the side quizzically. "You love him?" "What?!" Naruto choked on his spit and spent nearly a minute trying to regain his composure. "Eh.. No kit. He's an ass, and I disrespect him whenever I can. I'm none too happy he trusted this village with your safety after the sealing." The whiskered girl nodded thoughtfully.

She had always prided herself on reading people just by looking at their eyes. It was a skill she had to develop out of necessity. With a simple look into the eyes of most people, she could more or less tell whether that person held good or bad intentions to her. The Kyuubi however, was one of the few she met that she couldn't quite decipher. He was a walking talking puzzle to her. She understood that he didn't REALLY have to be her servant, honestly, godlike beings don't just willingly become someone's slaves. Apparently everyone else was stupid enough to believe him though. Why he stuck around though, she had no idea. She enjoyed the attention he lavished on her, thanks in no small part to her lonely childhood. He was always patient with her for the short time she'd known him. And he genuinely seemed to care, despite him trying to hide it expertly. She would strife to keep him, her first real friend. He was probably the only one that really knew the real her, and even then, he was kind to her.

The whiskered blonde giggled when the kitsune poked her on several sensitive spots on her midriff. "So you love me huh? You call me Ero-Kitsune, right?" The girl blushed and tried to cave in on herself to hide. The blonde felt oddly touched. She loved him despite the fact that he was a major key in the shitty life she had until recent years... Ah. Screw it.. he'd stick around longer and see how she grew up. The brat was like a fungus. You just couldn't get rid of her once she got to you. He sighed, gently running his clawed fingers through her hair. Stupid emotional attachments.

Naruto gathered the orange clad girl into his arms and held her close. "Love ya too, brat. I dunno how you managed to worm your way into my heart, but there's not much I can do about that now, hmm?" A warm smile, a genuine warm smile, graced the little girl's features, and she returned the hug.

A loud crash was heard and both kitsune and young girl looked at the cause of it. Kushina sat on Minato's back, his arm bent in a painful position to prevent him from tossing the redhead off of him. His eyes widened in horror when he saw a spittle covered finger approach his ear. Kushina grinned evilly.

"Wet willy!"

"Aaaah! Nooo!"

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End file.
